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Emotional Wellness: Knowing When To Exit A Relationship That No Longer Serves You

October 19, 2018

 

October is Emotional Wellness month. In this blog we will be discussing relationships and knowing when it’s time to exit. We will be using four examples of public relationships that caused one partner seignificant hurt that she could have avoided if she left earlier. First is Ariana Grande, the pop princess of today. Ariana has had public relationships in the media since hanging up her Disney days. Her second major relationship was Mac Miller, a rapper. Mac Miller was known for his rapping appeal as well as his addiction to drugs. Ariana spent the two years of her relationship with Mac Miller trying to get Mac off drugs and support his sobriety. Eventually Ariana gave up trying to save a man who wasn’t trying to save himself. Then Ariana got entangled in a new relationship with Pete Davidson. A comedian who struggles with mental illness; borderline personality disorder and dabbles in drugs. Ariana wasted no time in getting serious with Pete, how serious? Engagement serious. As everyone questioned Ariana’s haste, she continued to live her best life. But it came to a halt when Mac Miller committed suicide via a drug overdose. Mac’s death took a toll on Ariana and she called off the engagement and decided to break up with Pete.

 

 

This was the best decision for Ariana because she needs to find who Ariana Grande is outside of celebrity. Ariana is the classic case of codependent. She has a void that she is filling by getting with men who are broken and through her relationships with these men it makes her feel whole, or so she thinks. Ariana is just a girlfriend, not a therapist, she has no idea how to assist people with psychological baggage as mental illness and drug addiction. Usually those who put on the cape of Superman to those who are broken feel it is their duty to break themselves to make the broken person whole. And at the end of the day, she will sacrifice herself and end up just as scarred as him trying to fix him. It is not Ariana or any woman’s job to fix a man. Her job is to grow and be the best her and eventually find someone who compliments her mental and emotional balance. Until Ariana does her own sorting of her mental baggage she will continue to draw men who are looking to be saved and Ariana will continue to feel she is obligated to put on the cape to prove her loyalty and societal role of a good ride or die woman by playing Superman.

 

 

Erica Mena is a former video vixen and current reality star. Recently she was arrested along side her boyfriend by police because of a disturbing police call of supposed battery. While on site police discovered marijuana that Erica claimed as hers so she got arrested too. Erica is known for hopping from sketchy man to abusive man and now interesting choices of women. She is a button pusher and unfiltered. She loves to brag about her sexual exploits and men desiring her. But through all the lust... she's dealing with inadequate abusive men who display the same insecurities in her but mask it as super confident. If you’ve seen Erica, she holds her head high and speaks down on people, especially woman as if she is the queen of the Universe. And these are the types of men she pulls into her orbit. Just like her these men have deep seeded issues and takes them out on her, unfortunately physically. 

 

 

Erica is allured by the fast talking smooth criminal. And as the old saying goes, "If it’s too good to be true, it probably is." Erica deep down inside is still that hood girl looking for an escape out of her dysfunctional upbringing. She’s looking for a man to save her from life’s challenges via being her protector/partner but often times end up pimping her. Like her son’s father was supposed to and Rich Dollaz had sold her on. But like clockwork as the highs come crumbling down and the lows swallows her whole she realizes nothing was what it seemed. Erica needs to learn healthy boundaries as well as she needs to work through her childhood insecurities. A man or a woman will not save you. A relationship is a process that is continuously reshaping itself and no relationship will last if both parties come into the relationship broken, pretending or manipulative.

 

 

Tameka “Tiny” Harris was apart of a successful 90s R&B girl group. She was well recognized at her prime of her career when she met T.I. At the time he was a wannabe up and coming rapper. Tiny who was more established than T.I., gave T.I. a shot and fast forward years later T.I. is one of the best rappers alive and Tiny’s career fizzled. Tiny has bore many of his children over the years to replace her career while yearning for a ring. After many threesomes, cheating scandals and possible outside babies T.I. finally committed to Tiny via marriage. But marriage didn’t keep T.I. from cheating. Tiny has humiliated herself on social media chasing T.I.’s mistresses and taking to her platform to publicly shame T.I. into apologizing and staying with her. Many women judged, laughed and called Tiny the fool. Tiny clapped back until T.I. gave Tiny multiple apologies in the form of luxurious gifts. Tiny keeps accepting the gifts and shutting down the naysayers even though she puts T.I. on blast every time he cheats. Tiny once had the backbone to file divorce papers but then fell back into T.I.’s arms once he sweet talked her back into the doormat position.

 

 

Tiny lost herself, dignity original body/eye color and career chasing a man. She should have never pursued a man who wasn’t on her level and bore him children. In assuming the plaything/wifey/ride or die/come up chick/handmaiden position Tiny lost her own role as a secure headstrong woman. She let her career fall to the wayside just to say she has a man to play house with. Tiny basically role reversed her career at its prime for T.I.’s nonexistent career way back then. In the pursuit for this man, she lost her dignity by doing things she wasn’t comfortable with (threesomes) just to please her man. In her mind, ‘At least he’s cheating in front of me and not behind my back’ and ‘At least I got a man and he comes home to me.’ Typical, pick me rhetoric that always fail. But then again, Tiny’s father was (RIP) a musician and I’m pretty sure her mother has some wild stories of him in his heydays. So the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

 

 

What Tiny should have been doing after the breakup of Xscape was figuring out want she wanted for herself and her career because T.I. was sure thinking of those questions in regards to his career and that’s why he got with her. Instead hoping for a man to give her validation, those awards and groundbreaking achievements for her vocals should have been enough validation. Seeking validation from other people, especially men is always going to put you on the losing side of the scale. And unfortunately Tiny is so used to this humiliation that she thinks this is normal. She is showing her children, specifically her daughters that this behavior of chasing down a man who clearly doesn’t want to be kept is their jobs is only reinforcing that she has let herself and potential go for community penis. And that community penis is worth more than her whole self-esteem. What does that say her her young adult daughter?

 

 

Queen Nicki has built her career on being the rarity and being that head bitch in charge. In almost every song if not every song, Nicki has stated how many fantasize and approach her on the daily for sexual conquest and how she turns them down because she’s a queen. But let’s go backwards, shall we? Nicki’s first and longest relationship was with Safari. Safari, was her long term high school boyfriend who was there during her come up phase. When Nicki got signed to Young Money and climbed the rap charts as the queen of rap, Safari played her hype man keeping a low profile as her man. When they broke up due to Safari’s cheating and spending her money that’s when Nicki finally claimed Safari as her ex man. She even stated during the break up announcement interview Safari and his family thought Nicki was wasting her time trying to be a rapper and that she should get a “real job.” 

 

Nicki quickly moved on to Meek Mill who is a lukewarm rapper from Philly who raps about Rollies and Freudian dreams and nightmares. Nicki flaunted Meek Mill has her prince to her queendom. Her fans, the Barbs weren’t okay with the relationship but supported their queen. Meek felt insecure about not being able to match Nicki’s energy and ultimately caused a rift between she and her label mate, Drake and finally cheated on Nicki. Meek and Nicki’s breakup was very public. While the Barbs were happy for the split and went on a social media attack frenzy at Meek, many people felt that Nicki played a hand in her own relationship’s demise by being “extra.” 

 

 

Now Nicki is the queen of the hate train owned by Atlantic, driven by Cardi B and aided by Remy Ma. Nicki had dropped her Queen album this year and Quavo, one of her “babies” dropped his album this past week. On Nicki’s album she did a remix of B.I.G’s song Dreams where she discuss the rappers in the industry she would like a sexcapade with. In the list of men she mentioned Quavo. All the men she mentioned were depicted in a tongue and cheek fashion, nothing too harsh. Quavo on his album returns the favor with Huncho Dreams. In Huncho Dreams Quavo only mentions Nicki and in the most porntastic of ways. I’ll save you the unsavory details, but you can google the lyrics yourself. If Huncho Dreams is real which most people believe so, that would mean Nicki played herself to sex a man younger and less established than her. She also sexed him knowing he’s the Beyoncé of the group (Migos) and he did nothing to change the course of her reputation and left heir name to be dragged through the filth to sell a song and he admitted to Nicki via text that he would only step in if she went public with him. It also meant Nicki played the side chick to Quavo because at the time he was in a public relationship with another woman. Needless to say, this made Nicki look horrible.

 

 

Nicki is one of those domineering women that LOVES control. She loves to dangle the carrot of desirability and success of the Nicki brand over men’s head but she does NOT want a man who is equal to her status. She actively chooses men who are beneath her in terms of career and finances because it’s easy to control these men. But she will grow to resent these men because of they're inadequacies. Why? Because Nicki knows she can do better but what’s stopping her from a man who can give her better is her ego and control. Nicki knows like most women who are domineering is that if she gets with a man who is equally on par with her in his own right, she won't be able to play those childish games with the better man that she’s accustom to playing with the lesser men. Plus she won't always have things her way all the time. For Nicki to be such a queen, why can’t she find herself a king and stop kissing toads? Why is it that all these toads end up cheating on her with flies? It’s because no man whether wealthy or poor wants to be emasculated or reminded that he’s lucky to be with you. That you’re throwing him a bone by being with him. Yes, Nicki is a rarity and she bets on it. That’s why she thinks these men will be grateful and never cheat on her, but what she fails to realize is once the intoxication of being Nicki Minaj’s boyfriend wears off they see her no different than the other women they’ve been with sexually. In fact, they start desiring women who are less than too because those women will massage their crushed egos and desire them like how Nicki believes these men should her, thus these relationships ending in infidelity. Nicki needs to understand a true Queen is nothing without her king, and a pawn can be a great imitation of a King but never the real thing.

 

 

 

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