It's the last week of October which is Depression Awareness Month and if you've been following this series you know I have exposed my depression story from early childhood to this final post as an adult. This is not only my story but it's OUR story as survivors of sexual abuse and mental illness. So Speak Up. Speak Out. Speak Truth to get the healing you need. If you missed last week's blog click HERE.
"Life is what you make of it." Cliché as ever but nonetheless true. I never thought I'd be okay or find stability. Chaos was a frienemy that loved me and I, it too. I no longer feel like I'm hiding from my past or haunted by familiar faces. We've all done our dirt and now we lie in it. Buried. Some of us carry heartache and babies. Some lies and secrecy. Me, I carry my Truth and my will to be free. I was called a lot of things and answered to all. I'm hardly referred by anyone and answer to one. Myself. I own my bitchiness. My sarcasm. My introvert. My sensitivity. My take charge. My stubbornness. My creativity. My love. My smarts. My need to fix and put things together like a puzzle even when the pieces don't fit, broken or gone. The finishing touch still looks beautiful and even better than what others would have thought.
I remember being asked as a kid, "What do you want to be when you grow up." In typical people pleasing fashion I said the smart mature sophisticated response. "A lawyer. A judge ...Which one makes more money?" (That was the Taurus in me). When in reality all I wanted was to be happy. Not for a moment or a reason but to be as happy as the sky is blue. The grass is green and my skin is smooth. Happy and free.
It took me a LOOOOONG time to get here. About 14 to 18 years but who's counting? Healing isn't a quick fix instant gratification microwaveable place. It's a marathon not a sprint and it's called life. It's a journey. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Sometimes I can't bear to deal with the day and my whole life seems to be falling apart and I'm drowning. Legit drowning and no one can save me or see me. The air in my lungs are heavy like water but I'm still breathing. I'm still afloat even when I can't feel the ground below. I push through. Because that's all I know what to do. Whether it's kujichagulia or social programming I push through. I can't say I know what will come from the friction or if I'll be alright but I push.
Then days turn into weeks. Weeks into months. And months into years and what once felt like the Black whole abyss of nothingness or hurt suddenly feels solid again. Brighter again. Airy again. And I breathe. From my nostrils and my mouth and they fill my lungs. I breathe. Wholeness. Fulfillment. Happiness and joy. I am free because I can breathe.
On this platform we speak about sexual assault, mental health and healing. If at any other time you felt isolated and thought you couldn't speak about your truth know that here is that platform to Speak Up. Speak Out. Speak Truth. If you need to speak to someone who knows sexual violence and mental health disorders contact me for a private one on one conversation with me. I answer questions, give advise and provide coaching. Want to get started now? Click the picture above or HERE.
Paint Your Truth is a FREE healing painting event for Urban sexual assault victims. The purpose of Paint Your Truth is to encourage survivors to continue their healing process byway of utilizing art. This isn't a therapy session but a supportive gathering of sexual assault survivors coming together as a collective regardless of where we are in our individual place in our journey to survivorship. Click the picture above or HERE to sign up.
If You Missed Last Week's Blog: Part 3 You Couldn't Love My Type
Follow: vieis_me Instagram page for snippets from Tuesday's livestreams at 8pm eastern on Facebook Page Author Vie Ciné where we discuss whatever you want to. No subject is off topic from sexual trauma, mental health, celebrities, politics etc.
Miss the last livestream? Click HERE to watch the replay.
Follow: MEMOIRSOFAFORGOTTENCHILD Instagram page for exclusive reads from and updates for MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD ebook. The most recent book trailer part Part 40 I reveal by the end of middle school I had completely sunken into depression. Everything was a drag but certain pops of happiness kept me going with masking my pain. I was the go to person for support and relief but I couldn't relieve myself. I reference how Robin Williams was a comedian but committed suicide due to depression. Click HERE to watch.
I'll leave you with a personal quote of mine, "It's imperative that these acts of wrongdoings do not continue unchecked for it is our children who pay the highest cost." - Vie Ciné
As Iyanla Vanzant says, "I am not my sister's keep, I am my sister."
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Be Blessed. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌🏿