We're continuing Depression Awareness Month which is October with more revealing stories from my past battling childhood depression. We are in the third installment of my depression story that will be broken into four parts. If you missed the second installment click HERE to read.
"I'm probably going to end up being a cat lady. I don't think I'm going to get married."
"I don't know, I just don't think I will get married. I'll just be a Cat Lady."
(Mentally inserts an image of Eleanor Abernathy aka crazy cat lady from The Simpsons).
A Cat Lady is a reject. A woman who is devalued and exiled from intimacy. Unlike men who could never marry and be deemed attractive with the term 'bachelor' women are not afforded the same luxury. We're Old Maids, Spinsters, Cat Ladies, REJECTS.
Why did I believe with all certainty and clarity I was destined to be a Cat Lady at 16? Was I ugly? Was I dykie? Was I socially awkie? ...I was traumatized. The last thing I wanted was for some man to have power over me. Whether physically inept to bound me ...keeping me stagnant. Whether emotionally with the prowess to toy with my heart ...keeping me enslaved to my erratic feelings. Whether mentally swift with his manipulation skills ...keeping me mentally seven steps behind in the chess game of life. And GODforbid sexually. I knew I had the lips hand crafted by GOD with the ability to resurrect the dead with a kiss. But sex? Like, get naked and hump on each other. I'd rather slit my wrists. I need control. I need to do what I do and cut it off without an explanation because I was quick with the deuces, unapologetic. Had others in my back pocket. Don't fall for my type because my type isn't capable of love. Enjoy the moment because it won't last.
So I party. I drink. I smoke. Nothing like escapism to, you know, escape. Escape my parents. Escape Jehovah Witness doctrines. Escape frienemies. Escape myself because myself was stagnant, enslaved to my erratic feelings, manipulated by life and sexually objectified, French kissed passionately dysfunction.
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If You Missed Last Week's Blog: Part 2 Prisoner To My Thoughts
Follow: vieis_me Instagram page for snippets from Tuesday's livestreams at 8pm eastern on Facebook Page Author Vie Ciné where we discuss whatever you want to. No subject is off topic from sexual trauma, mental health, celebrities, politics etc.
Miss the last livestream? Click HERE to watch the replay.
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from and updates for MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD ebook. The most recent book trailer part Part 40 I reveal by the end of middle school I had completely sunken into depression. Everything was a drag but certain pops of happiness kept me going with masking my pain. I was the go to person for support and relief but I couldn't relieve myself. I reference how Robin Williams was a comedian but committed suicide due to depression. Click HERE to watch.
I'll leave you with a personal quote of mine, "It's imperative that these acts of wrongdoings do not continue unchecked for it is our children who pay the highest cost." - Vie Ciné
As Iyanla Vanzant says, "I am not my sister's keep, I am my sister."
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