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Part 1 Depression Had A Hold On Me

October 5, 2017

 

 

Happy October! Can you believe we have about 90 days left In 2017?! I can't believe it. As always we have a topic of the month and for October it's depression. As you know on this platform we discuss rape culture, mental health and healing from a Black woman's perspective. Depression would fit into the mental health category and what would VIEISME be if I didn't tell you a blast from the past true story about myself? I will break down my depression story in a four part series from early childhood, preteen to adolescence to finally adulthood and I deal with depression.

 

Early Childhood

 

As a child, I was depressed. From the ages of 0-7 I was a pretty happy-go-lucky kid. I liked my life. I loved my mother. I had toys. I was well fed. I didn't have any need that I couldn't beg my mother to purchase. But at 7 I was raped by my babysitter's daughter. From then on my bubbly spark was overshadowed by secrecy and sadness. I gained a lot of weight. I became more reserved. I who didn't care or notice if the lights were off all of a sudden was haunted by my 'what if' thoughts and wild imaginations. Needless to say my behavior rapidly changed but for two busy working poor parents everything was the same. Sadness became familiar, comforting to some sorts. I relied on myself because I knew I wouldn't betray myself like my parents did when selecting my babysitter and the hurt inflicted by her daughter. 

 

Childhood depression isn't as easily detectable in children as it is in assaults. At 8 I was too young to drink nor knew what alcohol was so drinking my blues was out of the equation. So what did I do? I masked it by playing my part. In the words of Andre 300, "The world's a stage everybody's got to play their part." I had elaborate detailed day dreams that consumed my time to block flashbacks of my trauma. I pulled myself by my bootstraps of courage and repeated the 2nd grade twice hoping I could graduate the second time around. I sunk my feels of self-repugnance in TV hypnosis envisioning myself in the scripted shows that I doted on. No discrimination, animation and scripted family shows all got the same love indiscriminately. 

 

But as with functional alcoholics and I the smiles faded away once the trauma crept in. The brightness in my eyes grew to a dull glaze when the flashbacks popped up against my will. The feelings of disparity rocked me to a deep anchor. "My" secret that I inherited like Malaria from an imposing predator that spread into my consciousness and robbed my innocence deteriorated me. But because I had no outlet I continued to rot from the inside out. Playing masquerade in my everyday life hoping no one found out what happened to me or what has become of the real me. The lines that separated the mask and skin blurred in definition and to some degree became one like MF Doom. 

 

 

On this platform we speak about sexual assault, mental health and healing. If at any other time you felt isolated and thought you couldn't speak about your truth know that here is that platform to Speak Up. Speak Out. Speak Truth. If you need to speak to someone who knows sexual violence and mental health disorders contact me for a private one on one conversation with me. I answer questions, give advise and provide coaching. Want to get started now? Click the picture above or HERE.

 

 

Paint Your Truth is a FREE healing painting event for Urban sexual assault victims. The purpose of Paint Your Truth is to encourage survivors to continue their healing process byway of utilizing art. This isn't a therapy session but a supportive gathering of sexual assault survivors coming together as a collective regardless of where we are in our individual place in our journey to survivorship. Click the picture above or HERE to sign up. 

 

If You Missed Last Week's Blog: Self-Care & Fitness

 

Follow: vieis_me Instagram page for snippets from Tuesday's livestreams at 8pm eastern on Facebook Page Author Vie Ciné where we discuss whatever you want to. No subject is off topic from sexual trauma, mental health, celebrities, politics etc. 


Miss the last livestream? Click HERE to watch the replay.

 

Follow: MEMOIRSOFAFORGOTTENCHILD Instagram page for exclusive reads from and updates for MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD ebook. The most recent book trailer part 39 I discuss how the Jehovah Witness religion caused me much depression and anxiety where I would pray to be late enough that we'd miss Reunion at the Kingdom Hall. Click HERE to watch.

 

I'll leave you with a personal quote of mine, "It's imperative that these acts of wrongdoings do not continue unchecked for it is our children who pay the highest cost." - Vie Ciné

 

As Iyanla Vanzant says, "I am not my sister's keep, I am my sister."

 

 

New Subscribers will get a FREE ebook titled 10 Tips To Detect A Pedophile.
It's a 
MUST READ for parents and caregivers!

 

Purchase MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD now on Amazon Kindle: HERE or in the STORE page.

 

Be Blessed. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌🏿

 

 

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