As we continue with August's topic which is families specifically generational trauma. For this week we'll be exploring generational sexual abuse and why victims don't speak their truth. As I have stated on this platform multiple times before 1 out of 6 women will experience sexual abuse. 60% of Black women will experience sexual abuse by the age of 18. 78% of sexual assault victims know their assaulter (this includes family members).
Predators In Plain Sight
The importance of family is beaten into our heads early as children with sayings such as, "Blood is thicker than water." "Family is all you got." "Nothing should come between you and your family" etc with these constant repetition that no matter what happens the family is the rock and most important figure in one's life it is extremely difficult for a person to speak up against a family member. We have been programmed to be loyal to the family dynamic that might not be loyal to our trust. So when a member is victimized it leaves the member feeling confused and isolated due to the cult like pressures we put on each other with high expectations of loyalty even when trust is violated.
Most victims are not threatened with retaliation as the narrative we have been told says. Only 20% of victims when asked why didn't they report their assaulter said out of fear of retaliation. This leads us to examine another possible angle. Protecting the facade of the family. Most of us have heard the phrase "What happens in the home stays in the home." Meaning whatever good or bad that happens in the family dynamic must be kept as private information regardless if it's toxic or not. This is what keeps victims from speaking their truth most of the times. What will so and so think? What will so and so do? What will so and so say? These are the pressures that conceal victims from speaking their truth and keeping them in line to uphold the facade.
Read Blog Titled: Generational Trauma & Its Effects
These suffocating expectations to be a marytr for the family even if the family is traumatizing you is not only unhealthy but it allows the predator to believe they are limitless when preying on victims. This is why in families where there is generational sexual abuse usually there is usually multiple victims from one or a few predators. As I said before (in regards to generational family sexual abuse) if there is one victim look harder because there's probably a lot more. For this reason it is dire to teach children that their bodies is for their control ONLY. That they have the right to say no to anyone trying to access it whether appropriately i.e bath time or inappropriately i.e unsafe touch.
Read Blog Titled: Teaching Girls To Safe Guard Their Bodies
Empowering children with the tools to make decisions over their bodies gives them the sense of ownership and authority that no person can take from them or manipulate them into thinking that age equates to domination thus meaning the older person must be right if they are requesting to see private parts. Another discussion we must have with children habitually is telling them that their truth matters Their opinions and concerns matters just as much as any adult. Often times, especially in Haitian Households we put the opinions of adults over our children. We automatically believe children are acting mischievously or are cunning. How can we question our own children before we question an adult who has more to loose and experience? This ingrained doubtful stigma we have against children is not only despicable but disturbing because what you're really saying is children have a tendency for wanting to be sexually violated and as adults we have no sexual control over ourselves around attractive children therefore the child was asking for it and the adult(s) gave it to the child(ren). If we go down this slippery slope of acceptable pedophilia where do we draw the line? Teenagers? Pre-Teens? Toddlers? Babies? Can you excuse a pedophile using the justification that a 16 month old was flirting with him and he just had to "have it?"
If we really want to bring an end to rape culture we must reevaluate how we organize the people around our children. Children who are most susceptible to become victims of sexual abuse. We must analyze and set perimeters around our children. We must arm our children with self-confidence, knowledge and unconditional love/loyalty. We must not fear going against the grain or outing predators in our mist even if they share the even with the same DNA. Be the best version of yourself by mastering yourself. And as always . . .
On this platform we speak about sexual assault, mental health and healing. If at any other time you felt isolated and thought you couldn't speak about your truth know that here is that platform to Speak Up. Speak Out. Speak Truth. If you need to speak to someone who knows sexual violence and mental health disorders contact me for a private one on one conversation with me. I answer questions, give advise and provide coaching. Want to get started now? Click the picture above or HERE.
If You Missed Last Week's Blog? Secure Relationships vs Relationships Insecure
Follow: vieis_me Instagram page for snippets from Tuesday's livestreams at 8pm eastern on Facebook Page Author Vie Ciné where we discuss whatever you want to. No subject is off topic from sexual trauma, mental health, celebrities, politics etc.
Miss the last livestream? Click HERE to watch the replay.
Follow: MEMOIRSOFAFORGOTTENCHILD Instagram page for exclusive reads from and updates for MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD ebook. The most recent book trailer part 36 I speak more about my childhood upbringing in the Jehovah Witness religion. I show some pictures of my mother's baptism and what it meant to be a devout follower of Jehovah. HERE.
I'll leave you with a personal quote of mine, "It's imperative that these acts of wrongdoings do not continue unchecked for it is our children who pay the highest cost." - Vie Ciné
As Iyanla Vanzant says, "I am not my sister's keep, I am my sister."
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Be Blessed. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌🏿