In the event of the Steve Stephen's shootout it is absolutely NECESSARY for us to discuss personality disorders and how to see the danger signs before things get tragic. In past blog titled: Narcissism & The Effects I talked about the general overview of narcissism, but in this blog we will talk about narcissism in the context of dating and red flags. By now we all know who Steve Stephen is and what he did. If you don't know, long story short, he went on a shooting rampage and ended up committing suicide days later. The reason why Steve's story is important is because he lived a normal existence up until he chose to go on a craze which was a warning flag in his personality.
Do you know what a personality disorder is? Do you know what are the signs that someone might have a personality disorder? Do you know how a personality disorder dictates how a person interacts with the world? You probably don't but I will summarize what a personality disorder is and why you SHOULD care. In the case of Steven he exhibited signs of narcissism. Narcissism is a personality disorder that affects mostly men than women. About 6.2% of the U.S. population as narcissism. Traits of narcissism are thoughts of grandeur. The narcissist believes he is more important than he actually is and that his high sense of self comes with no fault, accountability nor reciprocation. Unlike other disorders, personality disorders cannot be removed or changed. The personality is embedded in the core self and personality disorders like narcissism appear due to a combination of factors like hereditary, environmental and early sever childhood trauma.
Narcissism shows signs in a person through gaslighting which means the narcissist acts in a way to make a person feel unsure of themselves. To make the person feel crazy or to make the person take on blame/guilt for something they did not do. Narcissist are also very good at projecting which means to accuse someone of something that you subconsciously feel or believe. Misplaced aggression is another key sign of a narcissist which means to take out anger on someone who does not deserve it. Narcissists live for Flying Monkey. And no, it's not a new breed of primates. A Flying Monkey means to create circular nonsensical hostile conversations just to create dysfunction and instability for the non-narcissist. The number one sign above all signs to tell if someone is a narcissist is that they lack empathy. Often times narcissists are described as having a cold gaze as if there's nothing behind the eyes. Empathy is what allows us to feel someone else's emotions. Without empathy there's a lack of concern and care thus allowing the person without empathy to do whatever; even cause pain.
A person with narcissism sees the world as a stage play and they are not only the star but the puppeteer master. Narcissist thrive on getting an emotional rise out of a person. But the four key danger signs that will detect if a person is a dangerous narcissist and how to avoid him are if he lacks accountability, reciprocation, self-control, and empathy. Though narcissists love control they do not take any accountability for their actions. This is where projecting, deflection, misplaced aggression and flying monkeys come in. Narcissists will do whatever possible to avoid taking fault, if anything they will blame YOU for their actions because after all if it wasn't for YOU they wouldn't have done x,y,z. Lying is NOT above their character either so be prepared to hear tall tales or vicious slander especially after a break up.
Reciprocation is an act of love. To give because you have been given is an act of mutual loving respect. Because a narcissist has no empathy he cannot show love genuinely through reciprocation. A narcissist can mirror humane actions and emotions on a surface level but it will not last long and it will be disingenuous i.e. a narcissist takes you out pays for dinner and makes remedial conversation. The next time you see the narcissist he will say you weren't thankful enough for the meal. You didn't show appreciation enough for the conversation. You didn't engage in the conversation deep enough. You don't care about him. Basically whatever the non-narcissist did do wasn't good enough and should forever be held above their head as a tool for manipulation. A Narcissist is an energy sucker so all he know is to take and take even when it breaks you. The point is nothing is good enough thus his job is to get more out of you. A lack of self-control will show up pretty early after the honeymoon phase/love bombing stage (when he's so attentive and giving to make the non-narcissist feel as if they've known each other for longer than they actually have). From emotional outbursts, to hostile dialogue, and insensitive ad hominem
attacks etc. These are all things narcissists are known to do. Their lack of self-control will foster an energy that leaves the non-narcissist feeling gaslighted thus bringing flying monkeys everywhere. Side note, there is no point in arguing with a narcissist because truth does not live within him. You will lose a losing battle because circular non-accountability is what a narcissist lives for.
Steve Stephen exhibited all these traits during his Facebook live video where he was telling the world his intent and who was the cause of his soon to be mass shooting, not him but Joy Lane and his mother. Joy Lane dated Steve for three years before they broke up which supposedly kick started this horror. Joy Lane had no idea of Steve's plans or had input on his agenda HOWEVER Steve didn't let that interfere with his projection and misplaced aggression. Supposedly Steve was depressed and going through a sexual identity crisis which fueled his mental breakdown, BUT keep in mind he worked at a mental health facility and he took strategic steps to enact his plans. Can you imagine dating a hot and cold narcissist like Steve Stephens? I wouldn't be surprised if Joy Lane is the classic codependent/victim of Steve's rage because she has stated that Steve is quote, "A good guy." Do "Good guys" go on a scare shoot out and takes a life on Facebook live and blames YOU? I think NOT!
In my opinion there are three types of narcissists:
To get a thorough description for the three types of narcissist CLICK HERE. As ladies dating in this 21 century era where arranged marriages are almost obsolete and finding love is tricky, PLEASE take the time out to read about different personality disorders. It will save you a lot of heartache or even your life!
If you Missed Last Week's Blog: 72% of Haitian Girls Have Been Raped (Rape Culture In Haiti) Click HERE.
Have you checked out the book trailer for MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD coming this summer in hard copy? Today we're at part 30. I discuss my move from one city to the next and Miss Isles's postcard she sent via mail to keep me updated with the class. Click HERE to watch.
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I'll leave you with a personal quote of mine, "It's imperative that these acts of wrongdoings do not continue unchecked for it is our children who pay the highest cost." - Vie Ciné
As Iyanla Vanzant says, "I am not my sister's keep, I am my sister."
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