Why Didn't You Tell?
I had to make this blog post because I hear this often, especially since we live in the age of what I call transparency. You can't hide lies and secrecy not only because everyone has a trace of attention whore in them, not only because we have cameras everywhere and social media makes it a point to be self-centered, but because the climate has changed. We're speaking about topics that in 1976 we couldn't. We have platforms that are designated for people of different races, classes, education, etc. to come together as one for a specific cause. People are given safe spaces to speak about whatever anonymously. Overnight, someone can be a somebody to millions when 24 hours ago they were a nobody to everybody. People are devoting themselves to movements and groups. People are unfiltered with their true intentions, their true beliefs, essentially their true 140 character selves with each tap of the keys on the board.
So Why Now?
Because I can. Along with not feeling alone, time has allowed me to be free and honest with myself. I no longer feel the need to be a lifeboat for anyone else to keep their sanity afloat. My self-esteem is through the roof so if negative comments or disappointment wash up on my shores, there are enough seagulls on the coast that will devour the crustaceans. All these years prepared me for this moment for me to build up enough confidence to speak my truth. The victims I come in contact with see how free I am with sharing my experience being a victim, and how fearless I am now with my survivorship that my vibe effects them in a positive way. They aspire to be survivors too, and to feel free from the burden of victim. This wave only confirms that I'm doing what I need to do, maybe ten years ago I wouldn't have had this effect, or I wouldn't have evolved completely to be this version of me today. My perspective on life and my thoughts on child abuse wouldn't have been formed and the persevere spirit wouldn't have been tested. All the pressure, downfalls, upheavals, depression, doubts, struggle, lies, and sacrifices brought me to this very moment in life, so that's why now. MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD book wouldn't have the same impact if I wrote it 10 years ago, at that time I wasn't even at the beginning of my journey to healing. I was a victim trying to deny my past and hiding my present. I promote the hashtag #readtoheal because some people aren't comfortable revealing themselves but they're looking for outlets to gain knowledge about abuse, they're looking for a community to belong to at their discretion. This is that platform. These blogs are that knowledge. We read about celebrities, the news, articles, social media comments etc. But when was the first or last time you read something that wasn't religious that touch your soul and healed you? These insignificant distractions we've become accustom to by a set agenda does what exactly for us? Why don't we set the tone for what's healing? Why don't we determine what makes us feel whole and worthy again?
We spend a lot of time trying to fit into the circle but I say F the circle and be abstract. That's why I share my opinions on social media; my intent is to reach as many as I can. My intellectual property is meant to question your beliefs usually embedded in ignorance. I could be spreading hate. I could be hyping stupidity. I could be gossiping about who's fucking who and who's getting fat, but I thought something more meaningful like exposing child sexual abuse and helping each victim transform to a survivor was more important. That's my purpose on this earth not to squander time while wishing of a better tomorrow. My purpose is to give the voiceless, abused, used, and cast aside a voice. Hopefully my tone, words, passion, and sincerity syncs to each tear, each scream, each flashback, each silenced moment, each lie, each mask, each suicidal thought, each suicidal attempt, each escapism, each blow . . . each child sexual abuse story. I am you, and you are me, and together we are survivors of child sexual abuse.
Be Entertained. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌