Yesterday I went out and enjoyed myself I haven't had a good time in a long time. I came back from the outing and made a Facebook post about it basically stating the importance of enjoying life unapologetically. I know for me I spent many years after I dropped out of high school proving to people my worth and neglecting living life. I boxed myself out of fun and stayed focused on achieving academic success which wasn't a bad thing. Getting your edumacation on is great, but making yourself an outcast to society and neglecting your desire to experience life to prove a pointless point to irrelevant people is a loss of time and energy. At 24, I realize the things I've always wanted to do are stored on a wish list collecting dust while I keep getting older. I didn't want to one day look up and see that life had passed me by and the things I had time to do, had the youthfulness to do, had the liberation to do but didn't do are obsolete. Ultimately, being captive to middle-aged bitterness and midlife crises.
I always feared being unfulfilled. I felt this way since 17 and the way to conquer that fear was through academia. Once I started college and the fear still marinaded, I thought getting a job would make me whole. Around the same time I had my first serious boyfriend. My belief was he was going to complete me. All these invalid nonfactors came and left. None of them served their purpose permanently leaving me feeling more depressed and unassured than the last time.
Around 21 I decided I was going to live for me. Do what I wanted and that included writing a book. I had no idea the amount of energy writing a memoir took, writing became my job except it was something I did out of love and not survival or appeasement. During my two years of writing and half a year of editing, family relationships got resolved and then relationships dissolved. Boyfriends came and went but what stayed stable was bringing MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD into fruition. Now that my baby (MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD) is a couple of yards away from the greatest touchdown of my existence, I decided I want to live. I want to breathe. Mama needs a date night! I've consumed my energy and scheduled life around this project that I neglected me time, present time Vie. I spent so much time going into the past and explaining it I forgot to live in the present, and I don't want to do that anymore. I want to say I was there; I saw that, I tasted that, I smelled that, I breathed that, I heard that, I touched that . . . Simply I enjoyed my life, unapologetically.
Be Entertained. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌