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Forgiveness

May 9, 2016

 


Forgiveness is a topic that many of us struggle with because of ego. Ego can get the best of us and bring out the worst of us. Some people may believe forgiveness is a sign of weakness. As you become more mature (hopefully), you'll understand forgiveness has nothing to do with the person you're dealing with. Instead, it has everything to do with you and how you choose to proceed with your life. At 17, I couldn't grasp forgiveness because I thought it was a sign of weakness like I'm agreeing or giving someone permission to harm me. In no way, shape, or form did I want to be perceived as being weak or a pushover. Instead, I held on to grudges thinking I was above confronting the person but at the same time reminding myself why I don't like them. To me that somehow proved I was winning. I was one step ahead of the game and that the person will never be able to have access to me again because I blocked them off. As an adult, I can see that reasoning was only stifling myself. I was drowning in anger, depression, and resentment that completely unaffected the person my grudge was for. It wasn't like the person's whole existence changed because I had a gripe with them if anything they continued to live merry while my problem with the them stewed in negativity.

 

Holding grudges only harms the person holding on to the memories, the person the grudge is aimed towards never quite gets hit in the process. I remember reading an article awhile back that said actual pain lasts for only a few seconds but because the brain replays the trauma it extends the pain. To sum it up, it's all in your head. That's the flaw in holding onto baggage, it weighs you down, never the person who created it. Around 20, my perception of forgiveness changed because I no longer wanted to carry past conflicts. I choose to want to end the mental chagrin by attempting to understand what forgiveness really meant. About a year later I fully grasped how forgiveness works.

 

Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from the reactions or actions of others. It is to accept what you cannot change, yet have the self-respect to not tolerate it a second time around. With that frame of mind, I was able to release mountains of built up one person balancing act of animosity and trauma. To prove to myself that I was sincerely over years of hurt I decided to put it all in a book. MEMOIRS OF A FORGOTTEN CHILD was birthed from forgiveness. Most people who go through the forgiveness process usually do so by personally confronting the person, address the issue most likely with a mediator, and there's a resolution. However with me, there's no mediator but the adult me going back in time comfort the child me. To lend a hand in guiding her into healing. That's the powerful thing about writing, it's a cleansing of the soul through words and thoughts that are private to you, but unlike most people I'm currently making strides to publish my truth. My truth regarding molestation, rape, bullying, neglection, child abuse, low self-esteem, manipulation etc. Reading the last sentence you might be thinking to yourself how does one survive all that? Easy, forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for feeling like you were the one at fault. Forgiving those who preyed on you and forced you to keep their secrets. Forgiving those who turned a blind eye. Forgiving those who misunderstood you. Forgiving those who didn't know the impact of their actions. Forgiving yourself for taking so long to tell your truth.  Forgiveness is the best remedy to tattered issues concealed in even more worn out baggage. 

 

Be Entertained. Be Enlightened. Be Loved.

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