Letting things vibe. That's the topic of this blog, letting things vibe. For me, relationships happen quickly. I mean like one minute we don't know each other. In a few days, we begin speaking casually, sharing common interests and likes. In about 3 to 5 days feelings are swirling in the air like like SARS. By week two we're sort of, kind of, somewhat going together. I hardly ever approach these interactions like we are so going to be together, I can see our babies and our white picket fence. It always catches me off guard like Mama Evan's dramatic DAMN DAMN DAMN scene. Why? Because I know how it goes. Everything goes at an exponential rate because my energy and freshness usually are consumed in high dosage. People tend to believe what they think and how they feel is exactly the same as reality when that's not true. We as people do that for whatever reason, see things from an obscure objective point of view then ask ourselves why didn't it work out the way we mapped it out. The differences between goals and people are goals are things. They can be shaped and manipulated the way you want to be whereas people come pre-template, meaning they are who they are. Take it or leave it.
Now combining goals and people together like 'relationship goals' are almost always going to fail because you're viewing someone else's relationship from the outside and casting your perception onto what you THINK is going on. It's like smoke and mirrors because you don't understand the wiring of the relationship, you haven't even tested if you're reasoning is successful. Your belief is, it is because I say it is but a lot of people think they're right when they're wrong like Europeans who thought the earth was flat. To throw another curveball, let's say you do know the inner workings of the relationship, do you have the stamina of being in that type of relationship? Are you willing to accept everything that person is even the annoyances? This might include a broken person, a person with negative characteristics, and or personality flaws. It's fine and dandy in the beginning, it always is but give it six months. If the feelings haven't settled and your investment hasn't grown then the relationship isn't for you. If you don't cross the three-month mark than the relationship isn't for you. If by the fourth week you feel like you've been in the relationship for four years, you need to slow it down. Maybe the relationship won't lead to a wedding, but enjoy the ride. Enjoy the life lesson and companionship. I, for one, believe everything happens for a reason or a season. A relationship could exist because of either or possibly both but don't let your wants distort a good thing. Just catch the wave.
It's easy to find a light in a person and be mesmerized by it like a moth, but from personal experience and common sense, if you move too fast for your pace you'll choke or crash and that's what I consistently have experienced. Choke where we can't overcome trivial shit. Crash because red flags are thrown in my face like confetti yet I'm Ray Charles to the signs because what I want it to be like how I envision it, like how people force 'relationship goals' and not recognizing people are already fully made like T.V. dinners. You being with that person is just an extension of who they already are. This isn't high school, (and if you're in high school reading this, hey beau take notes!) or scared straight, impressionable young minds can be persuaded to go either or because they are searching for who they are. It's like being at a buffet and picking a little something here a little something there to make up your plate. As an adult you're like a five-star restaurant patron, you know what you want off the menu. You like your meat well done, no pink and a glass of sparkling water. You don't have the option of changing fil a minion to crab legs because you like the potatoes with the fil a minon and you were hoping it would taste good with the butter sauce that comes with the crab legs. You see what I'm saying? No. Simply, explore your options. Don't settle for your fourth conversation on gentrification in Urban areas and think this person is the one for you. Read all the flags some may be red, others may be green. Determine what those signs mean to you and what you'll do with that information. Set your limits, understand what you will and will not accept from anyone but particularly a person you're romantic with. No excuses! Don't invest any more energy, time, or resources on someone who can't at least meet you halfway. Above all, no games. You're either with the commitment/"talking" phase or not. Don't send mix signals if you're not ready. People don't like getting their hopes up or their time wasted.
Be Entertained. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌