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Been There Done That

April 15, 2016


Another throwback but this one is ultra personal. From appearance, you'd never know my story and this is just a fraction. I'm even amazed that I'm not some drug addict or a mother with a hang of bastard kids or a woman with piles of felonies. I guess I have a higher purpose than to fall through the cracks. As my fifth-grade teacher, Mr. Harrington would say, "Kujichagalia - Self-determination." 


Synergy meets destiny all in the plans of the unforeseen. How thirteen years later we walk the path of turmoil and catastrophe. You a Black Lesbian and me a Black Misunderstood Reject. But it's okay, it's alright, we climbing the steps of strife. To one day make it to the top, eventually having a story for the youth traveling the cycle of truth. For the ones who said we couldn't, we wouldn't, plotting and scheming on our accomplishments, don't know how we going to make it. Yet we smile in their faces, kowtow for the moment, then we switch gears, head to the fast lane and speed in, no fear. We're here! All the bullshit we walked in, all the tears that we spilled, all the people we cut relations, no guilt. And now we made it. The ride wasn't easy but we made it. All the times we fell silent wondering if tomorrow will bring peace. All the times we exchanged hands with deceitful people. All the peers we wish could have shared the moment of joy. But we know that they would probably bring us down to their level. Sad to say but the journey I walk is made for one, alone. Somehow I ended up bumping heads with you. Funny thing is I never met you but I feel like I met you. Through our exchange in indifferences, I see myself transparent in your pain. Westwood Lodge hazy weeks are a clear painting in my skull. Never forget how it stands prominent in the stories of secret discourse. Institutionalization step 1. Start them young to be dependent on us. Hollywood movie set of dysfunction, breezed through the ritualistic ways of crazy. Promised that I'd never come back 5 years solid. Lowest time of my life, but highest point in my strife. Most confined time in my life, yet the most freest time to be myself. Bunch of misunderstood kids I say, the years and degrees speak differently. No one knows until you've been there, heard there, smelled there, ate there, slept there and until then everything you say is irrelevant ma'am. But that was then and this is now. Paid in full for the hard work I put down. Made it from the bottom now we're here. How about I made it from high school dropout, mental hospital, 45-day program, GED graduate, college alumni and now I'm here. Kujichagalia - Self-determination



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