Featured Posts

Ciara & Russell Willson and the "Good Guy" Complex Part One And Part Deux

March 17, 2016


As you all know, well some of you might not know, Russell Willson the quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks proposed to R&B singer Ciara. The first time we the public seen these two together was during the State dinner in honor of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo in April 2015. They've confirmed their relationship soon after and have been dating for about a year, almost as soon as Ciara delivered her baby named Future by her ex-trap rapper fiancé Future. Why am I writing a blog post about three celebrities that have absolutely nothing to do with me? Well dear, when the video of Russell proposing to Ciara on March 11th hit the internet people went into a frenzy. Why? Some people felt that Ciara deserved a "good guy" after her ex-fiancé Future dogged her out calling her, controlling and alluding to Ciara was only with him for the fame. Future and subliming hinted at her with a line from his song Thought It Was A Drought, "I just fucked your bitch in some Gucci flip flops." The instigated "beef" with Ciara and Russell versus Future went over the cliff when pictures of Russell Willson pushing Baby Future in a carriage made headlines. Future was so upset Ciara that he took it to The Breakfast Club to vent his frustrations about her letting a man other than him push his child's baby carriage. Future was quoted saying, "If I was a kid and my mama had somebody push me [in the stroller], I would’ve jumped out and slapped the shit outta him." Rumors had it that in the NFL locker room Future songs were banned. Earlier this year Ciara was tired of defending herself and over Future tarnishing her name calling her, "a controlling bitch" that she filed a $15 million lawsuit. Many people felt Future was being petty and acting lowkey salty because Ciara moved on to a better man and was using their son as a rope to keep drawing her in, plus he never was that opinionated about his other children's mothers like he was with Ciara thus she had the right to sue him. The Ciara stans took to social media to troll his page with emojis to invoke a reaction. 


My take on the whole situation:


Ciara has been in the entertainment industry for awhile now, ever since 1, 2 Step. I was in middle school when that song dropped and she was that "it" chick who could sing, dance and flossed a super sick body. Fast forward to today she is more known for her past relationships with her exes like Bow Wow, formerly known as Lil Bow Wow, currently known as Shad Moss. 50 Cent also known as Curtis Jackson and, of course, her latest ex Future. When Future and Ciara were first seen together it was in her music video Body Party. People were curious as well as puzzled when these two got together because Future didn't fit the image people perceived Ciara to be. Future brags about doing lean (a drink concoction with cough syrup and soda), selling drugs and being promiscuous Some people felt Ciara got with Future because he was up and coming and that her records hadn't been selling since Ciara: The Evolution so she got with him to boost herself up. Soon as the pair were seen together Ciara started posting pictures of her smoking hookah, dressing provocative, and changing up her overall image. Fairly quickly the two got engaged but two didn't last due to rumors of Future cheating with one of his children's mothers. Ciara ignored the rumors and continued to stay with Future until the child's mother exposed her and Future's on again, off again and then on again relationship. Ciara broke up the engagement while carrying Future's baby. 


After delivering Baby Future Ciara was deemed a baby momma and the same women who were looking down on her and calling her a mediocre artist were the same ones praising her and welcoming her into the "baby momma club." Some people felt it was necessary to look down on her and criticize her for choosing a man like Future to sleep with then to go as far as to have his child knowing the kind of man he was; they labeled her "a hood rat" and continued tearing her apart. Ciara skipped all the judgment and put on a happy face while promoting her album Jackie that she dedicated to her mother named Jackie who helped and encouraged Ciara throughout her life. She noted her mother aided her a lot with raising Baby Future. Ciara went on her tour called Jackie to promote the album and was doing live lapdances that intrigued social media because her body snapped back quickly post-pregnancy and her moves didn't deteriorate at the least bit. Fast forward some and here enters Russell Wilson.


When Russell came into the picture many people believed he was a simp (a man that does anything and everything to win the affection of a woman who doesn't want him or is just using him for whatever he can provide. The man knows this but he doesn't care, hoping that one day she'll reciprocate the affection. Think Steve Urkel) because Ciara was "used goods" she had a baby by Future so why would the best quarterback in the league settle for such mediocracy when he could be with a better looking woman with no child was the rhetorical question. Basically, "Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved." These same people were saying being with Ciara gave Russell edge because pre-Ciara people thought he was a lame. He had the whole "good boy from a small Christian town that had no real experience with women" vibe so being with Ciara who is 30 years old now and been in the music business for over ten year, hot off a relationship with one of the most edgiest rappers gave him a boost in self-image. Kind of like a Captain Save A . . . Prince Charming, Stephan Urkél mixed together. Others bestowed Russell with the titled "good guy" because Future the "bad guy" came into Ciara's life got her pregnant cheated on her and made a fool out of her and Russell "stepped in" and became that loyal significant other that they wished they had. Many people became fascinated with the love/hate triangle because many of outsiders were or wished they were in the same situation.


Remember when I said "baby momma club", the same women who were downing Ciara are all fans of her now? It's because now they share a common thread, see when Ciara was doing her thing pre-Future she wasn't able to relate to the high drama relationships that most of these women were going through, she didn't have the reputation nor the issues that many of these women did. Soon as she got with Future these same women were downing her, not because they wanted better for her, but because they wanted a piece of that action. They wanted some famous thug lovin' too and felt that Future could do better than Ciara. When Future impregnated Ciara these same women were happy for her because Ciara ultimately took the same bait that many of these women did with regular broke thus. Metaphorically speaking, Ciara and these women were in the same bed and they knew what would be the outcome Ciara would face because they've been there in the thug love game. When Ciara decided to call off the engagement due to Future's cheating these women virtually crowded around her to shout those misery loves company phrases "He ain't shit." "You're a strong woman." "We sisters need to stick together." Russell came into the picture and these same women flocked towards their relationship like stink to shit to gawk at the two because Russell is that left over "good guy." The "good guy" meaning he's not out here with 15 baby mommas and 115 children. He's not worried about street cred. He's not doing illegal activities. He's basically not a thug. He's a good Christian, GOD fearing, push over. The same guy these women overlooked for the "bad guy" is now who they want after the bad guy screws them over. I read a Facebook post that said, "Ciara is living a Tyler Perry movie" I kid you not, I laughed so had because it was spot on true. Ciara was able to be the model "golden baby momma dream." Live it up with a thug, have his baby and be saved by a "good guy" and live happily ever after.


My issue with the "good guy" narrative is that it's a falsehood that never gets properly addressed especially when it comes to Black folks. Black men who don't have a bunch of tattoos, baby mommas, felonies, or do illegal activities swear they should have access to the top of the crop of women just because. Nevermind character, morals, beliefs, and overall personality. Many of them believe they are the anomaly and that women, especially Black women should bow down to them because they are just that fly and Black women's options are just that slim and I'm like skeeeeert. NO! I've met so-called "good guys" (of course not all) and some of them had horrible personalities. They had an entitlement issue or some warped believe that sex was a priority, no a demand and that I should give it to them because they're the "good guys." They went to (fill in the blank ) school, have this (fill in the blank) job, drive this (fill in the blank ) car and that these things make them the best mate and therefore just be appreciative that they even chose you! Whereas the "bad guys" are all Future prototypes. That ego thing right there is the reason why many lames get looked over, not because they're educated but because they're LAME! Good guys don't equate to lames, lames equate to lames. A lot of women like smart guys, guys with personality, guys who can lead and are self-assured. Those are attractive traits, but to have an inflated ego, and criticize everyone like you're the superior being on this planet, that's what gets you a hard dick and blue balls. A lot of these "I'm a good Black man" type of guys have no social skills and believe the lie that all they need to do is be a "good guy" and all the women they desire will flock to them. They weren't street enough so they couldn't play in that arena so they settled for hate. Highkey hate for the guys who have personality and street cred. No matter how smart and "good" a guy is if lacks personality and self-assurance he won't draw in women, period. Women like powerful men even if he doesn't have real power but for the fact that he speaks like he knows what he's talking about and he has charisma, it will draw in women. Women are emotional creatures, we think with our feelings. Why do you think Black churches are filled with Black women bowing down to the preacher? A smart lame with dry conversations and entitlement problems will not get the girl of his dream while the so-called "bad guy" is screaming "I just fucked your bitch in some Gucci flip flops."


I agree you can't be running the streets and having babies with men you knew from the start wasn't about anything then trying to pass on your failed decision-making skills as young and dumb, hoping some simp tries to save the day. That's flawed and malicious and just plain disgusting. However, people are grown and can make grown decisions. If a lame or a simp wants to wife up a baby momma who am I to go against it? If someone is adamant about not dating a baby momma because they find her to be "used goods" who am I to get upset about it? In the words of Black Sheep, the choice is yours, I won't complain about either or. Back to Russell though, do I think he's ready to be a husband for the second time and a stepfather right now at 27 as the hottest player in the league? Has he thought about what life would be like if he was a stepfather and his wife's baby daddy Future having more say so in the house that he's leading due to his son living there with him and his wife? Every time he speaks that boy's name he will instantly be thinking and bringing up his wife's ex who the child is named after. Is he ready for all that? I know bending down and seeing the tattoo initials of Future on Ciara's ring finger was awkward but to know that this guy will never vanish because he is forever attached to her through a baby. Does Russell understand this at 27? I don't know. Do I think Ciara is using him because her music career has fizzled for some years now and he's a great come up? I don't know.


What I will say about Russell is that he's a young guy with a naive sense in women and overall human nature. I think he's good-hearted and he means will but I think because of his Christian background and his lack of experience with women, he's gullible enough to fall for any girl with a pretty face, nice smile and can rehearse well-known chapter versus and can I blame him? He's 27 and he's the "it" guy in the league right now who has been (like many Black folks) Christianized so he sees life and people through skewed lenses. I don't think he fully understands that when you have that type of prestige, money, access, and power women (people in general but specifically women) will cling on to you and say whatever, whenever, however you want it just to say they had the opportunity to be graced with your presence. Don't think Jekyll and Hyde it is out of the question or impossible because it isn't. Look at all these ex and current NFL players and their ex-wives and baby mommas, especially those whose exes are on reality shows, dragging them into court, calling the tabloids and "writing" exposé books. It happens bruh. There's no rush for him to get married, I don't know if he's still on that no sex thing and the morning wood as been calling him and him getting married would be a way to keep is faith and scratch that itch. Personally, I wouldn't allow a book to run my life, but I digress. Russell needs to date more. Fresh into the league he was married and that ended in divorce. Not too long after that he's trying to jump the broom again and he's under 30? To me, that means he's not really good when it comes to matters of commitment and what to look for in a long-term partner. He's probably trying to live up to the "good book" standards that are full of flaws. Marriage is a business (a marriage license is the same license that you get for a business) so you must treat it as such. Separate love from the overall plan and evaluate if this person really fits into your life long partnership. Are you and she compatible? Does she meet the important criteria makes her "marriage material." Often times you can love a person genuinely and you both are good to each other but that doesn't mean s/he is meant to be your lifelong partner which is fine, but don't try to fit a square in a circle that might cost you half of your earnings over your lifetime. Travel the world, date a few more people, live life, find yourself and your beliefs and question those beliefs then get married if you choose to.


For Ciara I would say, Guuuuuuuurl (with extra animation and with a tongue pop). You finna come up on this marriage thang and I ain't mad at cha. But is this what you really want or is this the best option. The difference between want and option is the intent. If you really want Russell all the extra stuff like fame, NFL passes, money, expensive trinkets etc wouldn't matter and if he brakes his leg (knock on wood which I did) you'd still love him and ride out with him as you are now. Option meaning the possible paths you can go down and Russell is the most lucrative for you, the best success for you through HIS achievements and HIS dealings. Let's say he doesn't get injured but his priorities shift, he gets big headed and he loses the faith thing for narcissism and now you're one of many women. He treats you less than a dog and you're at the mercy of his will. He keeps control of the money and whatever you want you need to trade a tit for tat, and it usually involves doing something demeaning, would you still be down if on the outside you two look like the "it" couple? How much does your soul cost? Have you figured out how Future and Baby Future fit into this blended family because though you've moved on from Future he FOREVER has ties to you and has more say so over what you and Russell do with his son and don't forget the input of his baby mommas. Will you continue to do play dates but now at the house of your husband with Baby Future and his half siblings? Will you have to deal with their drama concerning Future and if they're playing spy for him and using their siblingship as access to you? Can you deal with NFL life, raising a child half the year by yourself due to away games, and the lifelong tiffs with Future? Lastly, why are you in such a rush to get married right after having another man's baby? Have you even taken the time to unload the baggage from the last relationship that ended with a baby? Have you focused on Ciara and Ciara the single mother? Have you thought about what will life look life as Baby Future grows up and what you as a mother will have to do and go through raising a Black boy in America? Have you put aside earnings for the boy so when he grows up he'll have resources of his own and will never need a job or start from the bottom? What about you and your career will you continue to do music and raise your son or will you go into another career field? How will you juggle motherhood and career, and celebrity AND now marriage? I can't knock you because I would be lying if I said this wasn't a good come up, but I would hope it's more than a come up. It's a lifelong commitment you're willing to participate in and not for the money and fame but ultimately only you know why you're in it like Russell. Only you two really know if you both are ready for marriage.

Be Entertained. Be Enlightened. Be Loved. ✌



Please reload

Share On Social Media

Paint Your Truth (2019) 🎨 & All Things Mindfulness/Self Care 💋

November 9, 2019

Please reload

Recent Posts

September 21, 2018

Please reload

Search By Tags
Please reload